One thing former pro athletes wish kids knew about the mental side of sports

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This week, I asked five former pro athletes who now coach youth sports a question: What’s the one thing you wish kids knew about the mental side of sports?

I thought I’d get a variety of answers. Instead, I heard one word over and over again: failure.

Here’s what the five pros-turned-youth-coaches said, in their words.

Travis Snider, former MLB outfielder

The more that we can fall in love with being a great teammate, the more that we can fall in love with the things that motivate us to play, that’s an important piece that we sometimes lose track of.

As a kid, if your motivation in sports is to have a good time with your friends, well, then let’s not make it any more complex than that. There are a lot of great life lessons that we can learn if we don’t tie our identity to our success or failures on the field or court.

We all remember what it was like to be in middle school and high school and how much of who you are gets defined by what you’re good at. Ultimately, the person you are, the way you treat people, the type of teammate you are, is way more important for me.

What are you feeling? That’s a really underrated question that we forget to ask. And from the kid’s perspective, can I identify my feelings?

Do I feel embarrassed? Do I feel shame? Do I feel sad? What is the feeling or feelings? And a lot of the time it boils down to fear.

I’ll give you one example.

A kid on my son’s baseball team was refusing to swing the bat at the plate. He was getting upset. I tried to give him a couple of different external cues, but nothing seemed to land.

And then I finally slowed down, pulled him aside and said, “Hey, bud, what are you feeling right now when you’re up at the plate?”

And he said, “I feel like my arms are going to betray me.”

This was a 10- or 11-year-old kid. That was the thought, and then we could identify the emotion, which was fear.

I asked him: “What do you think you can do the next time you feel like your arms are going to betray you?”

He said: “Take a deep breath.”

For the rest of the season, he was up there taking gangster hacks and not worrying about if he struck out.

What thought is coming up in the moment? And underneath that, what is the emotion or emotions behind it? And then how can we empower that kid to articulate that and find their own solution?

Jay Jackson, former MLB pitcher

Be positive and smile. Even if you’re faking it.

If you fake it for long enough, you start perking up, and you start feeling more positive. I tell kids: “When you’re out there, smile, have fun. Until it’s your job, there’s no reason for you not to smile and enjoy the moments out there.”

I’ve been in a lot of pressure situations, and I played worse when I was stressed out and worried about the negatives.

If you’re having fun and enjoying it, then you’re going to be willing to put the work in and develop. And then the bad times don’t affect you as much.

Charlie Davis, former MLS and USMNT player

I always use this as an example.

If I see the kids are not as focused as they need to be or aren’t giving 100 percent, I’ll stop practice and say: “Guys, who here wants to be a professional soccer player?”

More times than not, everyone’s hand raises.

So I’ll say: “If I was a professional scout watching you right now, do you think I’d be happy? Not with your performance, with your effort.”

Then I’ll say: “If it’s no, then we’ve got to change that, right? So let’s change that right now.”

Attitude and effort, that is the neutralizer to talent. If you can throw in mental resilience, that is the unstoppable kid. That is the kid that everyone wants to be around. That is the kid who has the quiet confidence about them because they know that whatever they’ll face, they’ll be ready for it. If the decision goes their way or doesn’t go their way, they’re not going to hang their head.

For me, that’s the magic.

Jeff Francoeur, former MLB outfielder

I never talk about winning. I talk about competing.

“If you make an error at shortstop, I’m not taking you out of the ballgame. You’re playing. So try to relax and do the best you can.”

I give this example. I started my second season in the big leagues 2-for-26 in 2006. I got called into Atlanta manager Bobby Cox’s office, and I was like, Oh crap.

Bobby says, “Frenchie, you are going to play every day for me this year. You are going to bat fifth or sixth and play right field. So whatever you’re nervous about, scared about, fearful about, let it go and just play. I’m the one that makes the lineup card, and I’ve got your back.”

Just that 30-second interaction in Bobby’s office totally freed me up. All of a sudden, it felt like I could breathe.

My point is: I was 22 then. These kids at 10, 11, 12, 13 are putting so much pressure on themselves to get hits, to do all these great things, but it’s like, you’re going to mess up, and you’re going to fail.

Encourage them to continue to go back out there, put in the work, and it will pay off.

Drew Stanton, former NFL quarterback

We’re apprehensive to fail because we think the short-term failure is going to stay.

That’s what I talk to my kids about: “Look, I’m going to try to make this uncomfortable for you.”

Our motto last year was “seek discomfort.”

You only grow when you get outside your comfort zone, and that’s mentally, physically and emotionally. When you push past that threshold, you’re like: Oh, I’m capable of doing that. But you only find that when you take those risks and are not worried about messing up.

I encourage people to make mistakes.

You’ll one day say: “That failure I had to endure sucked, but it made me better.”

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